Every year I go into this fantasy league convinced I'm finally winning the whole thing. I never do… I've decided to document the slow-motion disaster this season anyway: the draft, the weekly recaps, and whatever gets said in the group chat that probably wouldn't survive a subpoena. It'll stack up down below, week by week, starting before a single pick is in.
This league is old. North of ten years, probably closer to fifteen, I've genuinely lost count. Long enough that the group chat is less a fantasy league and more a support group with a scoreboard.
I don't have a team name this year yet, and I won't until I'm on the clock. I'm the one guy in this league who reinvents himself every season. Everyone else has run the same name since roughly the invention of the forward pass, a couple people have swapped once or twice, but that's the extent of the creativity. Me? Brand-new identity every year, usually a bad one.
As for the on-field arc, everyone already knows it. I came out of the gate on fire, won the whole thing early, made the playoffs basically every year, went to the finals a few more times and choked. Then the last five years or so I've been flat-out dreadful, a playoff appearance here and there, and when I get in, I get smoked. So that's my starting point this year: nowhere to go but up.
The rest of the field, quick version. #1 and #2 are the historical bullies, both perennially good, both with hardware. #3 is new blood, second or third year in, and he's already won the thing, which is rude. The Mag is the old juggernaut who ran the league for years, though the last two have been merely normal, which for him counts as a slump. #5 is the classic sleeper, always sneaky decent, never the favorite, always a problem. And 6 through 10 are the muck, which lately includes me.
As for the draft itself, we go the week of the first game, usually that Wednesday. With the openers getting shoved earlier this year, we might bump it up a couple days, but nothing's locked. Grades take a couple hours to do right, so those land as their own entry once the picks are in. For now everybody's undefeated, everybody's convinced this is their year, and at least one of us is wrong on purpose.
I got an F. I am not sure exactly what the grader measures, but it looks like ADP and bye weeks, which means it dinged me for reaching and for stacking too many guys who are off the same week. It gave an F to the guy who lost in the finals last year too, so I am not losing sleep.
This is a keeper league, so before a single pick was made, two dozen or so of the best players were already spoken for, most of the first couple rounds of talent sitting on somebody’s roster. You draft the leftovers. So I took Brock Bowers with my first pick, the first tight end off the board and the only one gone before the third round. Everybody else waits until the seventh for Kittle or LaPorta, and I would rather have the position solved. Then Ashton Jeanty fell to me at 17, which does not happen with a full board, and I did not think twice. After that I drafted receivers until I ran out of room, DeVonta Smith, Rome Odunze, and Josh Downs, plus Egbuka on the keeper. The one hole is behind Jeanty, where I am running Travis Etienne, J.K. Dobbins, and a prayer.
The two A+ grades went to The Mag and Two Many Cooks and both earned them. The Mag opened Gibbs, Puka, and Saquon. Two Many Cooks got Bijan and Amon-Ra and then landed Rashee Rice at pick 108, the best value in the draft by a mile. Churchski walked out with Jonathan Taylor, Jaxon Smith-Njigba, and James Cook and got an A-minus, which is about what the grades are worth.
Three teams got an F and all three can play. Syn-guy’s opened CeeDee Lamb, Kyren Williams, and Tee Higgins. Konvict has A.J. Brown and Derrick Henry. The grade is about the schedule.
Two picks I am watching. Justin Jefferson went tenth, a bet that his down 2025 was the injuries and the quarterback. George Kittle went 79th, a top-five tight end in the seventh round, and Average Joe’s got him there while I spent my first pick on the position. Somebody is wrong about tight ends. Ask me in December.
For the record, this is the team I drafted, keepers and all.
I lost 147.56 to 102.90 to Konvict Muzik, and the 102.90 was the lowest score in the league by fourteen points. The projection had me at 127. I am 0-1 and sitting tenth out of ten, which is exactly where the top of this page said I’d be, so at least the writing is consistent.
Some of it was obvious. Brock Bowers and the Raiders decided on knee surgery two days before the season, which was obviously the right call for him, and boy, the timing screwed me hard for Week 1. My first-round pick sat on the bench with a zero. It also blew up the one lineup decision I had spent the week on. I felt great about starting Bowers and Kraft both, floor at both spots, and I just couldn’t settle on which receiver got the flex, though I was leaning Deebo. Bowers went out, Kraft had to slide to tight end, and I semi-panicked and put Quentin Johnston in the flex against a Cardinals team I figured the Chargers would blow off the field. Instead I got all bust, 3.7 points, the Chargers lost by 12, and Deebo scored 18 for my bench.
The Rams got obliterated, so Harrison Mevis kicked one extra point all night. And the Texans, my god. Minus six from a defense I kept as a keeper, on a night they gave up 36 to Buffalo. Odunze caught two balls in a game where his own team scored 59, which takes some doing. Dak was fine, 18 and change, and I’m not overly concerned there yet. Jeanty was the whole team, 34.7, two receiving touchdowns and 102 on the ground, and without him this is a rout. Not to mention there is a world where this is his best week and I lost by 100.
Meanwhile, 37 out of Derrick Henry, 34 out of D’Andre Swift, and 29 out of David Montgomery. Three running backs, a hundred points, on a team the grader gave an F. I’d like the grader to explain that one.
With that said, I’m not panicking. I feel semi decent about this team. Waivers were quiet, it’s a ten-team league and everybody’s roster is deep, but I did swap Kayshon Boutte for Devaughn Vele, and that’s the one move. I know I need a running back behind Jeanty but not a ton available on the market you want. Etienne gave me 15, Dobbins gave me 3.6, and it is slim pickings out there. I’m nervous about it. The Bears and Odunze make me a little queasy, and so do the Eagles and Hurts, with DeVonta going for 53 yards on three catches while Philly won by two.
Around the league, the two A-plus teams drew each other in the first week and The Mag beat Two Many Cooks 168 to 160, which is roughly what both of them will do all year. Nico-tine Dependency put up 215, the high score, in a week where I put up 102. he could have played me twice and still won. Churchski handled Skatt Man, the 69ers handled Syn-guy’s, and Average Joe’s scored 155 and lost by 60, which is the only result in the league sadder than mine.
I won a game, the curse is ended. 131.56 to 125.48 over the San Francisco 69er’s, and I was projected to lose by 18. I’m 1-1 and up to eighth. Two guys did it. Dak threw four touchdowns for 279 and gave me 37.76, and DeVonta Smith caught ten balls for 117 and a score for 29.70. That’s 67 points from two players and everybody else was filler for the most part. Devaughn Vele, the one waiver move I made, gave me 11.40 in his first week in the lineup, not too bad and he looked good against a solid Ravens team so I expect more. The other side had McCaffrey at 22 and McBride at 18 and then Justin Herbert threw two picks and gave him under ten. I’ve been saying it about Herbert for a while.
No roster changes this week, but I desperately need running backs. That is where I feel super vulnerable. Jeanty gave me 10.30 on 48 yards and Etienne gave me 7.10, so my two starting backs combined for less than DeVonta by himself, and his two backs combined for 34. I’m pretty happy at receiver. It was a slow week for a few of them, Egbuka at 10 in just an overall weird game, Deebo at 6.5 in a complete curb stomping of the Dolphins, but for the season I’m not worried about those guys.
I was waiting to see who would make the cut at receiver on the bench, and I think Downs is safe, he had 14 on seven catches for 72 sitting there, and so is Golden with almost ten. I have to keep Dobbins, because as I just said I’m already worried about running back behind Jeanty with Etienne, and Dobbins is already banged up, which is his whole history. He’s not slated to miss time or certainly not a lot, we don’t think, but I was already nervous drafting him and I didn’t draft enough backs to begin with.
Jonah Coleman is just sitting there on waivers and I don’t love it either. I think he only got carries because Harvey and Dobbins were both out. Maybe I’m wrong, but that still makes me nervous. Kamara is out there too, but he didn’t look great, and I already have the other Saints back, whose lack of touches is making me nervous as it is. So, running back is just a problem.
The good news is I get Bowers back soon, and I think Odunze and the Bears will be okay. Not great, sufficient. Odunze had 43 yards in a game where the whole team scored three points, plus the weather, so that’s not on him. That said, he may be next to go. Quentin Johnston is already gone. He got 2.4 on my bench this week after the 3.7 in my flex last week, the Chargers’ offense is not a place I want anybody right now, and I dropped him for Bryce Young. I need running backs more than I need a fourth receiver who can’t get open, but I also need a QB for Dak’s bye, and next week against my Texans defense.
Around the league, Churchski put up 173.78 and is 2-0 in first place, which tracks with the team he drafted. Konvict is also 2-0 after beating Average Joe’s, who is 0-2 and scored 122 in a losing effort for the second week in a row. Two Many Cooks, one of the A-plus draft grades, scored 109 and is 0-2 in last place, so the grader is now 0 for 2 on the A-plus teams. Syn-guy’s beat The Mag by eight, and The Mag is 1-1 and fourth, which for him is a slow start.